It's going to be a new year. Get ahead of it. Shitty picture edition

It's been a few weeks since I've had any time to sit down and compile a list of things to complain about. Now that Christmas has come and gone, we are fast approaching the time of year where most people start a virtual wishlist of nonsense resolutions in an effort to make their lives seem less shitty. I call it a virtual wishlist because I don't believe that even the people who take this shit partially seriously, really take this shit seriously. I bet we can all name at least a few people who every year make up a whole to-do of things that they are going to turn around in the next 365 days. It may actually be you. To me, this poses a series of interesting questions. I'll start with this...

How many years in a row is someone willing to attempt something like quitting smoking or losing 15 pounds to failure, before they realize that they are most likely bullshitting themselves, and are actually making themselves look like bigger failures to everyone they discuss their resolutions with? Excuse me if that question came off a little Carrie Bradshaw. I'll assure you that I am not wearing any fabulous heels from Manolo Blahnik, nor am I getting plowed by Russian dancers, but I still want to know. Why do we insist on lying to ourselves? Now I've been on this diatribe about ten times since I started this blog back up. And for those slower folks, If you can't tell, it just pisses me off to no end. Fortunately, this year I expect it to affect me far less than years past. Here's my plan...It's literally only about three things. As you can guess, one part involves working out, and the other two are far more easily explained. I'll start with the working out thing.

I'm not sure who the fuck took the time to draw this. Or why.

This one is really more about me than any profound advices...I started by not being an asshole in advance and quitting the somewhat commercial gym that I was utilizing for most of 2012 (it was a Y, and it was already ridiculously overrun with teenage bench and curl bro-children and old fuckers. I can't imagine what next Wednesday looks like there.), I then proceeded to join a gym that, well, is more apt to be frequented by unsavory individuals or former inmates. An example: The first gentleman I saw there this morning, had 5 or 6 face tattoos, nice guy, but would likely scare the shit out of the average middle aged housewife. Actually, this guy may have seem intimidating to most people, even most men, but there is a strict code amongst those utilizing this facility. It goes something like "don't fuck with and lest not be fucked with". Or it would say something like this if it wasn't unwritten, and not completely made up by me. I wanted it to sound medieval. I like the show Game of Thrones, and I have really been interested in Bears lately. I learned that there isn't really any bears in the Alps yesterday. Motherfuckers killed them all. I guess there is a few bears now, but not many. There are goats, and coyotes though. Moving on...

Look at this stupid yodelin fool.

The second portion of my divine master plan is the simplest, and could quite easily sneak into the first spot if I wasn't so centered on this other shit I'm doing. (If you can't tell, I pretty much operate under two primary functions, eat a shitload of awesome food and get strong. Oops, make that three. Beer.) This section of the plan is something of a continuation of the last few year's operating rules.

Be quiet unless you don't need to be. This will make you seem a little more scary, mysterious, and profound when you do say something. The dangerous side-affect to this little habit is that you may be deemed a sociopath, weird, or be labeled a asshole at all times. Shaving your head and growing a beard will help perpetuate some of this bias. Getting tattoos will throw it over the edge. If you are like me and okay with either or any of these things being said or perceived about you, it's a great way to have nobody try to fill you full with their bullshit. However, at parties and social functions, it's nice to mingle and have conversations about topical information and current events.

Absolutely nothing to do with this post. Just a pretty good idea.

Now that I think about it, the last part of my little is actually the simplest. The last part could be arduous to those that run their gums and look for validation around every corner.

STOP GIVING A FUCK. Not really much more to elaborate on. Really. Try it out for only one portion of your life, and I promise you will be liberated like not other before you. Start with something small. Grow your toenails long, I promise, nobody will care, those that will can fuck off.  Those are your toenails. Maybe it's a shitty example, but if we started giving less fucks about things, and started stripping down to the core of what matters, we would be chasing down wild dogs and eating them alive. But no, thanks to the backward ass way that we have evolved,now we have skinny pants and botulism because we've become big ol' pussies on addition to being terrible liars. 

I know I didn't say much here that hasn't been repeated a million times already, but throw out the bullshit and get started on something better. Fuck Dr. Oz, and fuck the police. Take a minute this year to become yourself. You don't have forever.

Nietzsche would approve of the previous statement.

Happy New Year!