I’m a fairly new entry into the world of weightlifting. Let
me put that statement on hold as I am going for full disclosure. I’m actually
not even an entry yet, I think I fall somewhere around a bystander. I’ll tell
the story, but I am literally the definition of a novice to the sport. I’ve done some of it before, but that was
what might as well been a million years ago, and seriously at least 20. At that time none of it was worth a shit
either. That time between high school and the time just after high school where
your testosterone and strength levels should be peak, but the attitude and work
ethic don’t match up. Needless to say, I was a dumb kid going through the
motions, just to say I was doing something. I would go to the school weight
room, and just go from station to station half-assing and really never lifting
anything.
Fuck, if I remember correctly, I couldn’t bench much more
than 135 pounds ever. If it was too
hard, I just didn’t try. I didn’t even go for glamor muscles at the time. It
was a classic case of fuckarounditis, and weakness wrapped up into one package.
So fast forward to about 1 year ago. I had just done the
quitting smoking bit and it was about then that I started thinking about the
physical condition I was in. Even from the
bullshit yourself self-assessment view, I knew it was pretty poor and I knew it
wasn’t going to get any better if I continued to sit around and think about it. I
remember the feeling at the time that I didn’t know what to do, or where to
start. I had a membership for several
years (again to say I did) to a shitbox $10.00 a month “Judgment” free gym
which was laced with treadmills and purple faggotish exercise machines. That
was it. I was in…
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| Lets get pumps with 20's. |
I took step one, and at 5:00AM the next day I got my ass
up left the house and went. I went with some conviction as I had found a
workout from the internets which was supposed to get me in A1 #1 USA #1 Best
Condition. (Say that in Asian voice, it’s funnier). I was going to tweak the
diet and go low carb, high protein, low calorie and this is what I believed was
everything I needed to do to get “super jacked” and in awesome shape. This is what I get for reading, reading on the
internet. Needless to say, I did a few
weeks of some BS circuit, got bored and decided I didn’t like getting up at
5:00 and going out in the cold. This
moved me to step two, which was essentially denial. Denial in this case came in
the form of P90X. I’m not going to illustrate what P90X is, so if you don’t
know, go to www.google.com and type it in.
However, be warned that you may fall into the state of disillusion that
I did, and believe that there is anything credible or useful about this
program. Let me take that back, it’s
somewhat better than complete inaction.
I actually stuck this out for 90 days and almost to the
letter. I didn’t drink and beers, I ate the terrible meals they gave recipes
for, and did the “muscle confusion” workout day after day. The only part that was
really confusing was why it cost me so much fucking money. Program, Equipment
& Stupid menu, probably ran somewhere around 300 bucks with a food
investment of over $150 a week for two people.
I will say that I did see some weight loss and a little BF% loss. Not enough
to warrant continuing though. So, it happened again. What you say? Nothing.
Well, Thanksgiving and Christmas, New Years and a bunch of drinking and eating.
I dare say went right back to where I started, and I mean literally. I got that
itch again and right back to the last thing that failed. Gym, P90X, nothing. In
that exact sequence.
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| The Government knows what's up |
Fast forward a few months, to roughly July of this year
(2012). I was a very flaccid 197 pounds of love handles and disproportionate BF%
at the time, and everything was about to start over again. That same awakening I
had over three previous occasions took place again, which started that same old
cycle of routines. Enter the “Judgment Free” zone again, that same circuit
again, and my having no real goals to achieve or direction to head in, again.
Again being my key point here and the main theme of this section of the tale. Fortunately,
I was literally two weeks in when I realized that I needed to do something
different. Radically different. I wasn’t happy, which should always be enough
of a catalyst for change, and this time I was partially determined to not fuck
it up. I was surprised of how quickly I found some reprieve as the answer was
in the mantra for that purple infested cesspool of a gym. “Judgment Free”. That’s it, that’s what I
needed. I needed judgment, at least some
judgment, and I needed it from myself. Here’s how I rationalize. If I wasn’t
judging myself, then how could I get any results? I needed to not only be the
Judge, but the jury and the fucking executioner.
Here came an ass load of questions. What results did I
want? What was I looking to achieve. Was
I ready to push some of my own limits to find out? This was also about the same
time that I was doing a lot of lurking on /r/fitness, where everything Rippetoe
is praised as gospel. Starting Strength you say? Sounds interesting, but I wasn’t
sold, and I hadn’t read the book. I liked the idea of changing some programming,
to “some programming” but the shit hole that I was paying to go to wasn’t even equipped
with proper equipment to even do something so “weightlifting” like. So I quit.
I broke free of the repetitive nature that I had become so lost in. It cost me
some coin, but I found a new place to work, that was going to let me work and I
mean work*. I could drop weights (within reason) It even had a fucking squat
rack!
| My new favorite place |
*The deeper I get into this, I question these statements.
The scary as shit part of this is that, I wasn’t sure
what to do at the time. I went to the hypertrophy based circuit I had been on a
few times, just until I figured some stuff out, another two weeks wouldn’t kill
me, and then I gave into the herd. I gave into Rippetoe. Starting Strength was
read on work related trip and it seemed simple enough. Too simple. Eat a
fucking ton and lift a fucking ton. The great part is that simple was just what
I needed.
Here’s where I started on or around August 27, 2012.
These were my max sets of 5 for the first day I worked them.
Squat - 110
Bench - 125
Deadlift - 215
Power Clean – 95
Overhead Press – 85
A “Big Three” of 450 at nearly 200 pounds? The Shame, Oh
the Shame, the god damned SHAME!
I get that these are pretty unimpressive, they are to me
as well, and honestly the afters aren’t much better but have had a tremendous
improvement over where I began. This is encouraging
for me. Hell, even the fact that I have been at it since July is amazing to me.
I’m happy to report that I feel like I am growing into this whole thing, and
not only has it become a pretty big part of my day, I see so many new things
within it that I want to try and accomplish. For some reason, without any
provocation I have begun to challenge myself with targets and goals. These are
wins.
Current Stats after today’s shit workout. (I have those) Most
if not all of these are times five reps.
Squat - 220
Bench - 175
Deadlift – 275 – Keep in mind I herniated a disc doing
this weight and had to reset at 235.
Power Clean – 135
Overhead Press –120 – I feel a reset coming on here.
Rippetoe would have said YNDTP or something but with a
new “Big Three” of 670 or an increase of 220 pounds in two months with some pretty
major injuries, I’m fairly content at this point. Happy? No. But considering a
broken rib and a herniated disc in the old back were the injuries, I’ll take
it. Please don't think I am using these as excuses either. That said, it’s time to man the fuck
up, I don’t think anyone should get a man card until you are over 1K pounds.
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| This guy really fought the fuck out of some dude for 75 rounds and won. |
Some takeaways - Since beginning this thing I am doing, I have learned a few things about this. The
first lesson is that you can eat too much. I started getting a little fat kinda
quick. It’s a fine line between being a
fatty and keeping your strength gains going forward. The second is relative to a
lot of things in life. You can get
distracted by all the roads that you have to choose from as there is what I
consider way too many options in which programming you can choose from. The
best advice I have seen is to keep it simple, and make sure you are doing as
much as you can. Think of it like this, it’s been working for me.
The iron doesn’t talk back. Honestly, the iron doesn’t
say it doesn’t want to be picked up because it can’t. That weight doesn’t do
shit but sit there and taunt you. It’s a piece of fucking iron. All that noise,
all those excuses. That’s your bullshit. When you put that down, you will be
able to carry much more.
Write that shit down somewhere and read it.
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